Home Cooked Eds/Script
is driving a very dirty tractor. He looks uncomfortable. He pulls into a driveway. The garage at the end reads "Ed's Service Station". Eddy: the door open "Customer!" friends come running out to service the tractor. Rolf: distressed "Hello, Ed-boys. I must use your restroom!" Eddy: "The restroom's for paying customers only, Rolfy. Your tractor could use some work." Rolf: "Fine! Yes! Go!" hands over a quarter. Eddy: "Key's in the garage." Edd: Rolf runs "Is that coagulation of dirt and clay Rolf? Did you give him permission to go into my house? He'll track mud!" Eddy: "Relax. He'll never make it inside." Rolf: key is attached to a radiator "May the fleas from your cow...inflame your rhubarb!" Eddy: the engine "Let's bring her inside, boys!" shifts into gear, and the tractor reverses out. "Not cool!" Edd: "That's really something I'd expect from you, Ed." tractor crashes. Ed: "It's really something I wanted to do, Double D." look at the scene of the crash. The tractor has smashed into a house, crumpling part of both house and tractor, a tree is broken in half, and part of the fence has been destroyed. Eddy: clear and uninjured "Woohoo! Demolition derby, boys! Cool crash, huh Ed?" Ed: "I've seen better, Eddy." Eddy: befuddled "What?" Ed: "Look. The tractor is still intact, you could have done a lot more with the tree, and you hardly wrecked Kevin's fence. And the steering wheel should be rammed over your head like so." demonstrates. Eddy: "Oh, excuse me! I'm such a hack. I'll be in my trailer." turns and walks into the side of a trailer. Ed: "Eddy got a trailer!" Eddy: "What's this thing doing on my lawn?" Edd: "Seems some misinformed out-of-towners lost their way." Eddy: "Yeah? Well I'm sending it back!" tries to push it off his lawn "Ed, gimme a hand!" Ed: up Edd's hand "Found one!" snorts. Edd: "This joke is older than my Mesozoic fossil collection, Ed." Ed: "Whoops, there it goes..." clang is heard. "Yep. My brain stopped." female giggling comes from somewhere. Eddy: "Did you hear that?" giggles come again. "Kankers!" Edd: "And we're in the open!" Ed: his friends into the trailer "Hide in here!" ---- Kankers toss the trailer door open like they own the place. Marie: a camcorder "Wait'll the folks at home see this!" May: shopping bags "I'm a movie star!" Lee: her sibling aside "Move it May, I'm beat! Marie, get that camera out of my face–!!!" places her hand over the camera's eye and looks around the room. Lee: "Hey, I thought this place should've been cleaned up by the time we got back. I'm calling the manager!" May: "My feet are killing me!" pries her shoes off with a spatula. "Aah...vacations sure are tiring. What's on TV?" Marie: the remote "You always pick something stupid." then pushes Marie and May off the couch and grabs the remote. Lee: "Slide over! We're watching infomercials." turns the television on, and it is revealed that the Eds are hiding inside the set. Eddy: "Uh..." Ed's head on Edd's armpit "...we use new Stench-Away deodorant. Keeps me dry and fresh." Lee: "That junk wrecked my clothes." Marie: "Gimme that thing!" Lee: "Alright, alright." changes channels, and Edd imitates a siren. Eddy: to drive a police car "Requesting backup! We're in hot pursuit." Ed: "It's my turn to drive!" the wheel "Beep! Transfer please." leans forward, and the trio in the TV collapse. The Kankers: at the exposed Eds "It's our boyfriends!" Lee: "We've been looking for you." May: "Yeah, we need tour guides." Eddy: "Forget tour guides, just get your stinking trailer off my lawn!" The Kankers: "But we're on holidays!" Eddy: "Uh-oh. Tourists." Lee: "Sun." May: "Sweat." Marie: "And souvenirs!" empties stuff out of a paper bag. It looks like some of the things in Edd's room. Edd: "Why, these souvenirs look suspiciously familiar." out "GAH! GIRLS WERE IN MY ROOM, EDDY!" May: her back with Plank "These locals sure know how to make backscratchers!" happily scratches her back with Plank while Jonny looks in a window angrily. Eddy: "Why don't you Kankers get lost!" Ed: "And forget about any lovey-dovey stuff!" The Kankers: "Lovey-dovey!" Eddy: "Ed, you dolt!" Eds bolt from the trailer. Eddy: "Run away!" Ed: at May's kissy-face "Flounder!" slams the door and follows his friends. Jonny looks on. ---- Eddy: a door "C'mon, Ed, hurry it up!" Ed: "Stool for blocking." hands it over. Edd, meanwhile, is exhaustively pushing the TV stand to the door. Eddy: "C'mon, c'mon!" Ed: "Couch for blocking." takes a couch the Kankers are sitting on. May: "What's this supposed to be?" Lee: "I'll check the tour guide." reading "Some kind of dance, I think." Edd: the girls "Ed-d-dee-dee-dee?" points. Eddy: "This ain't the time for birdcalls, Double D." continues to point. Ed: "A cup for blocking." Eddy: "Double D thinks he's a bird. I hate birds!" Ed: them as well "KA-KA...!" Lee: down the guide "And that was the call of the yellow-bellied boyfriend." Eddy: "How'd they get in my house?" Marie: "Time for a close-up, holiday boyfriend!" plunges a hat over Edd so it looks like he's wearing a skirt. "He's so cute." begins filming. "How about a little hula-hula?" Edd: agony "This isn't happening!" fights to get the hat off. "AAAH!" Lee: "Hey Marie, get me with Eddy!" pulls Eddy to her. "Hello? Marie, film me!" Marie: "Film what, you just standing there?" Lee: "I was gonna hang Eddy from our rearview mirror like a troll!" Marie: "Big whoop." May: "Lee! Marie! Quit your fighting, we're supposed to be having fun! Holidays, remember?" Marie: "Yeah, you're right May." bounds up to hug May. Lee: "Yeah, we're family. Group photo!" Marie: "Here, Double D, take it!" the still rolling camera at him "And make it good." May: "Over by the pool, girls!" Kankers get into Eddy's aquarium. Lee: "Hi Mom!" Eddy: "Get away from my fish tank!" Edd: "Um Eddy, please, I'm trying to get a good shot." beckons for Eddy to move away. Eddy: "A good shot? Double D, that's something I'd expect from Ed!" Ed: "That again is something I really wanted to do." Eddy: "Ed, do this! Get rid of–my fish?" sisters have vacated the tank, as well as most of the fish. Ed: "Should I put them in a plastic bag?" Eddy: "Did you see where they went?" Edd: "I was enraptured with Ed's whining." Ed: "Is it so wrong to be liked?" tears down the hall to the doorway of his room, where he comes upon the horrific sight of the Kankers ransacking the place and destroying his personal belongings. Eddy: "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" Lee: "Who's gonna make us?" Marie: "Hey, are these real leopard-skin undies?" Edd: "That's quite a statement, Eddy." Eddy: at his collar "They're my brothers. What?" Marie: "Says Eddy on the tag." Eddy: "That's it, get out of my room!" leaps at Marie. Edd: "I feel as though we should help Eddy, Ed." Ed: "Yes, we should." sound of Eddy being pummeled is heard offscreen. Lee: "Get him to put 'em on, Marie." Marie: "I can't, he won't let go!" Eddy: but holding on "Give 'em up Marie, you don't have a chance." wraps him up in the undies. Marie: "How's this?" Lee: "Hubba hubba!" lets go of the briefs. The resulting release of energy leads to Eddy spinning around terribly fast. May: "Hi Eddy!" yanks him off "Bye Eddy!" Edd: at Eddy "Eddy, I fear they're becoming amorous!" Eddy: "What's that mean?" whispers something into Eddy's ear, and shortly thereafter the Eds vacate the house screaming. Eddy: scared "Last one out's a rotten egg!" Lee: "Later boys! You'll have to come home sometime!" ---- sounds of construction come from Eddy's house. Suddenly, a wave of water knocks down Eddy's front door. Lee: "Ya-hoo-ooo-ooo!" Marie: "This waterpark idea stinks!" May: "It's not my fault the water pressure's low." Lee: "Everything's your fault, May." Eddy: from a fence with the other two "They're wrecking my house!" Ed: "Amateurs, Eddy, don't make me laugh." Kevin: "Why are you dorks on my lawn?" Eddy: "We heard your grass was greener, so–" Lee: "Hey Ed! Here's our unmentionables." a bag to them "Press 'em, fold 'em, and don't skimp on the starch!" Rolf: "Hallo." Kevin: "Having some girl problems, are we?" and Rolf collapse into laughter. Eddy: "What? So? They're on holiday! What?" Kevin: "A romantic getaway, huh?" Rolf: "A coochie-coochie cruise?" Kevin: "I guess these dweebs'll be holding hands all summer." Rolf: a sour-faced Jonny "Prune-face Jonny, do you hear this?" Jonny: angry "Don't touch me." stomps away. Rolf and Kevin then resume laughing. Kevin: "C'mon Rolf. I'm getting a stitch." Rolf: "Bye-bye." exit. Edd: "He's right, Eddy. This weather ensures them a lonnng vacation." Eddy: a plan "Weather, huh? Summer's about to call it a day, boys." ---- sun is beating down on the Kankers. The girls have taken various pieces of furniture from Eddy's house and place them on the lawn. They are lounging there in swimsuits now, under a flag of Eddy's underwear. May: "Hey Marie, can you flip me over? I'm getting crispy." reply "Marie, flip me over! I'm getting crispy!" response while Lee gets annoyed "MARIE!" Lee: "Shut up, May." flips May's table over May: "Whoa!" Marie: jumps on her "Ugh!" Lee: "Don't you hear your sister talkin to ya?" Marie: "Nope! Must be this vacation air, I guess." plucks a hair from Lee's armpit. Lee: "Ow!" Marie: laughing "Sucker!" begins to chase her. Lee: growls "Get back here!" and Marie run straight into a surprise rainstorm. Marie: "Uh oh." Lee and Marie: "It's raining!" run back to the trailer. May: "Rain?" and Marie grab May and use her hair like an umbrella. Lee: "Does my hair look okay?" Edd: the rain with a hose and colander "Summer rains, you can never predict them. Commence thunder, Eddy!" complies, and the sounds of a kitchen pan hitting a garbage can are heard. May: her sisters close "It's a typhoon!" her hair shut and the Kankers fall over to the ground Lee: "So what? We're not gonna let a little typhoon ruin our vacation, are we?" suddenly blast the sisters. Marie is blown into the trailer door, and May has to hang on to Lee. Lee: "Hang on, May!" loses her grip, and May hits the door and Marie. then get to see what's causing the winds: it is a giant fan. Ed: up a bush "I got the debris, Eddy! I wanted to do this." it in front of the fan "Alley-oop!" Lee: "I can't see!" bush hits her, sending her into her sisters. The combined weight of the Kankers and the bush pushes their trailer door open, sending them inside. A tree then pushes its way into the trailer. Jimmy: his trike in the typhoon "My thighs! They're burning!" Eddy: "Woohoo! Nice ad lib, Ed! Now get 'em off my lawn!" Ed: "Okey-dokey, Smokey!" switches the fan off "That rhymed." Edd: "I must say this worked out quite well." Ed: up the trailer "Cheerio, Kanker Sisterio!" Lee: "Now what?" flings the trailer away. Ed: "Don't even think about it, think about it!" Edd: "Please, Ed, no more rhymes." ---- trailer goes away from the Eds at a high speed. It travels down a hill, along the way taking out some fences and a tree. At the end of the trip it runs into an elastic band stretched between two poles and stops. Marie: out the window "Look, there's that weird kid." May: "Yeah, that's that–I forget his name." Lee: stuck in her hair "What's he up to?" pulls the band back and puts it on a mailbox's flag. "What the heck's he doing?" May: "Who cares? He's a–" banging comes from the roof of the trailer "Huh?" rips a panel off the roof and dives into the trailer. Jonny: "I'm coming, Plank!" fray is heard in the trailer. At the end of it, Jonny leaps out of the aforementioned hole, Plank in hand. Jonny: a sea of groping Kanker hands "Run, Plank!" May: "Gimme back my backscratcher!" Jonny: "Scratch this!" kicks the flag over. This releases the elastic band, which sends the sisters' trailer skyrocketing through the air and back up the hill. ---- Eddy: germ-away on a chair "Filthy filthy filthy." Ed: "That's something I'd expect from Double D, Eddy." Eddy: "Don't remind me." slumps in the clean chair, relaxed. "Aah." Edd: the faint sounds of the approaching trailer "Do you hear something?" Eddy: "Oh, man..." trailer lands on the Eds and bounces onto the fence that separates Kevin and Eddy's yards. Kevin: "What's a trailer doing on my–TRAILER?!?" runs over and tries to push it onto Eddy's lawn. "Stay off my lawn!" bursts through the fence, revealing that Edd and Eddy are trying to push the trailer onto Kevin's side. Ed: "Kevin! There's a–oh. I guess you already know." Marie: to one side of the trailer "Now this is what I call a vacation." Lee: the trailer shifts to the other side "Just like the cruise Mom took." May: "I don't feel so good." Eddy: "They're yours!" Kevin: "No way, yours!" Eddy: "Ed, help!" Ed: "One plus one equals one on a bun." Edd and Eddy: "ED!!!" Category:Season 2 Category:Season 2 Scripts Category:Scripts